sky day 334

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sky day 334
alien abductions
Image by maureen_sill
think about all of the times you have almost gotten hit by a car from listening to loud music and laugh
go through old emails before you have to be at the clinic in an hour
think about how no one at the clinic knows what email is
decide that is probably for the best
because email is depressing
and then think about how it is not your place to decide what is best for marginalized people, ever

you told me about the time you slept with someone you didn’t really know
and then woke up the next day and found out they were a neo-nazi
and that made you sound hardcore, or open minded, maybe
but that just sort of terrified me

i read email
i saw the indian man who owns the liquor store feeding pigeons this morning
and i also saw him hit a homeless man with a broom handle one time
feed birds hit people
at zwane clinic i am playing a show for little kids on friday and it is my last day there
how do you say goodbye to little kids in a foreign language
how do you tell them that you are not going to see them again
how do you leave when you know no one else is coming to take your place
and now that they know the alphabet and about how fifty xhosa words are spelled
who is going to teach them about sentence structure and also more vocabulary
who is going to teach them what adjectives are
adjectives are so important
how the fuck am i supposed to walk away from that
i am not qualified to explain to anyone what adjectives are
truth be told i don’t know if anyone could possibly explain the relevance of adjectives
i am not qualified
i am not a teacher
but there are no other teachers
there are no teachers
there are no teachers
there are no teachers
so i am automatically the most qualified willing person
what makes my life remotely more significant than their literacy
you said, you teach kids about hiv through music
i said yeah
you said that was awesome and i could tell you thought i did that just so i could tell people about it because there are a lot of people like that here there are a lot of white people like that here
and so i left the conversation

i want you to touch my hair
i want you to receive the nobel peace prize for wanting to write me a letter but not knowing what to say or how to say it
i think that is probably happening to someone i know in the world right now
i also want you to get enough sleep so i am going to not bother you from now on
wooden planks surrounding the roommate who woke me up last night
because he was touching himself at two am on a saturday
this made me laugh in the morning
i woke up and ate a huge apple and drank a huge thing of water and a piece of bread
in the morning i did not look at his face or say good morning i just washed my clothes in the bathroom sink and then i hung them up on the fence to dry and they were dry in like seven minutes
and then he said good morning and i was like, "good morning"
and then he was like, "what are you up to today?"
and i was like, "uh, i’m going to study and then go to langa"
and i did not ask what he was going to do because i have never seen him do anything but watch televsion or now, masturbate
which was probably rude of me but it was already weird
and i stared at the prescription pills under his bed
that was weird but important
tao lin is now selling continuous hilarious things on ebay
a lot of things
like un opened letters from jonathan safran foer and jeffrey eugenides
and also a copy of a book that is listed as "hamster embossed edition"
because he drew a hamster on every page
sometimes i think i want to marry tao lin
and sometimes i know i do!
and how he wrote that it is a very rare feeling to have done something to have written something or made something and then have very good feelings about it
to sit with content for upwards of six hours and feel good about what you just wrote did or made
and then he explained very intensely that this is a rare phenomenon and should be treated like alien abduction and it will possibly never ever happen again and then he said i can’t decide in these situations if i should show these things to anyone else and then i always do because i have low self esteem and this is why i do this and this is why i do this
the way he wrote that made me think about how i feel about actually sticking with this project for a year
and i wonder why i did that
because half way through i decided it was very contrived and also quite boring
but that was okay with me because i think i am sort of contrived
and it’s probably not so bad, to be contrived
because that is close to being average
and if you average then at least you are not below average
and also then you are probably down to earth
so i considered stopping and oh, i don’t know
found another tao lin book and just decided to finish it anyway
because it didn’t belong to me anymore it belonged to your pilot dad on the email list serv
who sent me replies to almost every single picture
explaining the scientific significance of the cloud
or that formation
or guessing what time of day it was taken
depending on the way the light looked, or the light didn’t look, or whatever
and then if someone doesn’t like it then at least he can feel closer to himself instead of that person because that is more important to him anyway
or not knowing yourself or blog or whaterrer
the last book review i read about tao lin said that he was a "cocksucking smooch with no public speaking skills"
and then i thought about how all of my favorite people have no public speaking skills
and have more likely than not "sucked a cock" in their lifetime
when we went to the bar jody gave me back the tao lin book i gave him and i said someone called him a cocksucking smooch with no public speaking skills
and he laughed and laughed and the bar guy told me he didn’t like my american accent and that there were no accents allowed at this bar
and jody was drunk so he told him to fuck off, was he xhosa or khoi khoi? then he wasn’t from here either
and then i said, ha ha ha
and we left and went to the park where someone spray painted "tic generation"
and i was so relaxed i felt like i was in the thirteenth noun class of a traditionally unwritten rural and tonal language with dental frontal and lateral clicking sounds i was in the thirteenth noun class i was not gendered because in this language there are fifteen genders and i was either singular or plural so i fit every single noun
read email from victoria about watching her baby videos
and her saying that she had to turn them off because her mom looked so beautiful in them
and she misses her so much and her mom listening to the pixies and the smiths and taking pictures in the 1960’s and being full of fire and seeking independence
and missing her mom and wanting to ask her a million questions
and then feel body parts singularly of themselves, o my
with love, from the northern hemi
with love, from the southern hemi

and i wanted to spray paint over somebody’s eyelids
little red x’s or just a sentence like,
let yourself feel things
please let yourself feel
there is nothing about feeling to be afraid of
it is a microcosm of a cardboard puzzle of a canyon with blooming trees and plants
and clean water
let yourself feel things and eventually you will be ok

Warp Speed
alien abductions
Image by Sanctu
Boson Accelerator with Defrangelating Cannon and optional Photonic Phase-o-meter attachment. Batteries included if you can lug them with you.

For Death Star Gravity Well, please grab computer screen firmly with both hands, and rotate clockwise by 90º. Batteries unnecessary, just channel the Force.

For Alien Abduction Hoover-o-matic, rotate counter-clockwise.

my recent 12 favorite photos on flickr
alien abductions
Image by erin leigh mcconnell
1. Hammertime, 2. Little Pirate – yarrrrrr…., 3. You’re the most colourful thing that I’ve seen, 4. Snow White, 5. Untitled, 6. eye ♥, 7. The way home (#1 fav. of the bunch), 8. The Visitor, 9. DSC_0344 copy, 10. Alien Abduction, 11. atleastiknow_bw, 12. repost of my wrist tattoos

Created with fd’s Flickr Toys.

(i know, i just recently did this. i saw the majority of these photos in the last couple of days, and HOLY CRAP. i completely fell in love!)

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